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About Varied / Hobbyist Member Talyn17/Female/United States Recent Activity
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Might as well put this up here. Donate if you want. I'm not begging for points, but if you DO donate, it would be much appreciated. I may use these...some day.. :plotting:

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I don't want to talk about it.

If I talk about it. I think about it.

If I think about it too much. I think I'll go insane.

The Joker scares me.

I saw 1989's "Batman" and enjoyed Jack Nicholson's Joker. I thought he was quite charming and easy to gauge. He wasn't really malicious, as he had standards and a love for beauty, though twisted as it might have been.

I watched The Dark Knight Sunday night…

I was totally engrossed in it. Every second with the Joker on screen made my heart thump in my chest a million miles a minute. It was to me what it was like for a teenage girl to receive a smile from her crush. It was overwhelming. My head was swimming with mixed emotions.

But I finished the movie, and I sat there. And I thought.

"He's really insane. He's insane. He doesn't…care. He's crazy.. He's crazy..He's madness, he's pure insanity."

My head can't wrap around how ruthless, how detached the Joker is towards mankind. Hospitals blown up, killing his own men. Killing a gang member or two, fine, I don't care.. But.

I watched the Joker Blogs BEFORE watching the Dark Knight and thought that the Blog's Joker was devious in a …special way.

The Joker in the Dark Knight wasn't even on screen nearly long enough for me to actually see him in all his glory.

But those few scenes were enough. They were enough for his very psyche to invade my mind.

He's not real, but he's .. not real..he's not real but..he's .. he's insanity.

As I write this, I am fighting to prevent this obvious metaphor for pure evil to consume my mind. His AURA, his very existence… it is almost too much for someone as feeble-minded as me.

It is almost like trying to comprehend God, in a way. If you relax and focus, you can feel his power everywhere. You can see it in everyday life, you can see the results of his influence, what He is trying to say. Though the Joker is fictional, I feel like this character has actually reached through the screen and caught me in his manic stare.

I actually cried this morning because I was overwhelmed by my thoughts swimming with sheer terror. There are people like him in this world. Not as theatrical, but just as heartless, just as brutal. The Joker is the personification of an immoral human being, perhaps the very incarnation of immorality—which explains his ability to beat Death again and again and again.

I do not blame Heath Ledger for taking those pills and accidentally offing himself. I'm not playing the Joker, nor have I ever played him, and I'm already feeling as though I'm staring into a void of Despair.

His claws are in my mind. It's like trying to purge a drug's effects. I need to stay..sane.. I need to realize..he's not real.. I'm real, this computer's real. My friend Linda is real. My family is real. This. Is. Real. He is not.

If only it were that simple to convince me.

"You're taking this too seriously, you're overreacting."

I'm a very sensitive person. My thoughts will multiply a feeling by a thousand. Talking about it once is not enough for me, but repeating myself makes me feel even worse. I can't talk about it. I can't think about it. How it..HE..has its hold on me.

The very idea of him..frightens me.

I need... reassurance. He's so... erratic. There is no rhyme nor reason to his character. There is NO "Method to his Madness". And the fact that if we were to meet, he wouldn't give a second glance to me before firing ten shots into my chest with a machine gun... Well, I get a little depressed over that sort of thing. I'm not worthy of sparing.

I don't know. It's something a nervous, inferiority-complex person like me thinks about. If I were to meet a criminal, would I have the charm, the intelligence, the "spark" to be spared? Does anyone else think that? Run through scenarios like that in their head?

Because I do. I run these calculations in my head as if one day it might actually happen. It's unhealthy because I become depressed when I realize that 1) I would not be "up to snuff" for this and this villain, and 2) Most villains I insert myself with in those types of situations would not care.

I'm scared.

I'll be alright, I think. But just know..I'm scared.

Of him.
  • Mood: Scared
  • Reading: A Tale For the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki
  • Eating: Trident Layers Gum

deviantID

~deideiblueeyez
Talyn
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
:iconrainbowheartplz1::iconrainbowheartplz2::iconrainbowheartplz3::iconrainbowheartplz1::iconrainbowheartplz2::iconrainbowheartplz3::iconrainbowheartplz1:
Hey Ya'll.

Before I tell you what I like, I might as well give you some info on who I really am, though you can't REALLY understand who I am and what I'm like until you meet me face-to-face, but that costs extra ;P

I'm a Caucasian chick, Virgo, average height and weight for my age. I am diagnosed with ADD/ADHD and Asperger's, or at least "educational autism"...Don't worry, I have one or the other for real, because how else can you explain my horrible childhood concerning older kids chasing me on their bikes? O__O And YES I AM diagnosed. I've been to doctors and counselors since 4th grade, been in a special education program since 3rd grade, and have been at "evaluation meetings" for my "label" at school since 7th grade. So don't say I just read about it and said "Hey, that's me!" ... :| This has caused me a lot of confusion, tears, depression, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, and general nihilism, so don't tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

I am blunt, frank, open, and honest about my ideas and what I believe is the truth, as well as impartial to the point of appearing to work for both sides or..aah, on-the-fence. I call out on hypocrisy. I am not afraid to get physical with people, though in reality I am a wuss when it comes to pain, for I am hypersensitive to bright lights as well as my hair, which I go to great lengths to avoid anyone touching except a hairstylist or myself.

I am an avid fan of the anime/manga Naruto, as well as other various anime and manga. My most favorite character in the whole wide world is Deidara :meow:

Regarding sexual preference... I may find myself sexually attracted to both sexes (moreso men than women. The woman has to be pretty or beautiful or pleasing to the eye..a good personality doesn't hurt), but that does not mean I'll ACT on those feelings anytime soon. Too much work for me to maintain a relationship with one person. I can barely maintain myself!

I am still trying to figure myself out. Though I've come a long way from being a short, stout, bangs-in-my-face, growling-squealing-wailing 3rd grader who screamed, kicked, punched, tackled, bit, and did God knows what else when upset or angry. I still get physical with people, but I've walked away from many battles.

I'm a little detached at times, I've combated SERIOUS depression, feelings of self-hate, bullies, my own insecurities and general distrust of people as well as trying to come to terms with the fact that I am not like other people: I CAN'T seem to connect like everyone else, and that coupled with butting heads with other classmates made me have a major meltdown 8th grade and freshman year. I am only just opening up to DeviantArt, probably one of the enablers of my self-hatred and low self esteem, but I WANT to be good at something I like to do. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing something because I truly love to do it or if I'm just tilling away so that one day I can be considered one of the "greats" in that particular field...

Also, if I offend anyone, I'm sorry, I don't really mean to on purpose. The internet is a very shaky place to maneuver around in; I'm sure many things would be cleared up if we had 24/7 face cams (NO NUDITY) that we could use to communicate with each other. That way we wouldn't have misunderstandings via text or written word. Words carry no emotion or tones, so many hidden "cues" are lost...

But yeah.. let's get onto what I love and hate :iconballoonplz:

:heart:I love:heart:

:bulletred:Naruto
:bulletblue:Akatsuki X3
:bulletred:Psychology
:bulletblue:Reading
:bulletred: Contemporary Hard Rock, Grunge, Gregorian chanting, K-Pop, 70s classics, African spirituals, and French Quebecois rowing songs
:bulletblue: Surfing the web
:bulletred: Chatting online
:bulletblue: Being right! (When I AM right; not saying I'm right all the time)
:bulletred: Making lists :giggle:
:bulletblue: Order and structure
:bulletred: Relaxing in quiet places
:bulletblue:Writing
:bulletred:Drawing
:bulletblue:Being alone
:bulletred:Computer
:bulletblue:Photography
:bulletred:Astrology/Zodiac (I'm a Virgo)
:bulletblue: DANCING! :D
:bulletred: Palmistry
:bulletblue: Anime/Manga
:bulletred: Thinking
:bulletblue: Learning new things
:bulletred: Compliments...(I feel human when receiving compliments..especially from an esteemed artist or teacher...otherwise they go over my head and I don't really believe it when "regular people" tell me I'm good.. meh)

:iconcutedivider1::iconcutedivider2::iconcutedivider3:

:threaten:I HATE:threaten:
:bulletpink:Abuse
:bulletorange:Racism and prejudice
:bulletpink:Loneliness
:bulletorange:Rap and hip-hop
:bulletpink:Pain
:bulletorange:Crying
:bulletpink:Disrespect
:bulletorange:Manipulation/mind control
:bulletpink:Loud noises
:bulletorange:Exposure to the sun
:bulletpink: Being out of the loop
:bulletorange: Saying sorry for things I'm NOT sorry for
:bulletpink: Chaos
:bulletorange: Children
:bulletpink: Large groups of people
:bulletorange: Scientology
:bulletpink: Sex cults (THEY'RE OUT THERE! TRUST ME!)
:bulletorange: Child pornography
:bulletpink: Double standards
:bulletorange: Religious/cult-like dogma
:bulletpink: Republicans, nowadays..
:bulletorange: Trolls and immature people on the internet (yeah they're there, but seriously, I really pray they all get AIDS..)
:bulletpink: Teenagers who only JUST REALIZE that... GASP!!! .. there are serious issues out there! And they don't involve the mall, or dates, or their home town, or homecoming! (FLIPPING SERIOUSLY. It took you a fucking HISTORY CLASS to realize millions of men, women, and children are being sold for sex or labor all over the world? Get a fucking clue, you assnozzle)
:bulletorange: Lots and lots of leg hair and arm hair, as well as eyebrows that are too close together.. I'm sorry, it just makes me wanna take a razor and shave you! I'll do it! I would totally do it! Just buy some razors and I'll gladly shave you! God what am I saying?! :iconsweatdropplz:

Just to be clear, I don't belong to any party, though my family is considered to be Democrat. Republicans were okay I guess in the past, but now it's just downright embarrassing and backwards the way they're tromping around nowadays...

Yeah...

:iconrainbowheartplz1::iconrainbowheartplz2::iconrainbowheartplz3::iconrainbowheartplz1::iconrainbowheartplz2::iconrainbowheartplz3::iconrainbowheartplz1:

I would like to say to anyone who :+fav: my work or :+devwatch: me that I really, really appreciate your support. I sometimes think that you who do those things are the only ones who understand me.

~Aww, sappy moment.

Ew.

I LOVE LLAMAS! I will fave, llama, and possibly watch.

I don't really comment on work unless it's super striking, something from a fandom that makes me want to scream "YES!!! :la:", or super funny...because what CAN I say? Really? Especially ones with 1000 comments. What can I say that hasn't already been said?

I know llamas look like a hassle, but I've found a small joy in giving them to lots of people. I like receiving them, that makes me happy, but giving llamas for no reason is just as fun :meow:

So yeah, this chick is a ninja-llama-faver :shifty:

I NEED SOMEWHERE TO PUT MY FAVORITE ICONS AND SHIT!!

Shameless Fandoms and Fave Stamps




ICONS :icontardglompplz:

:iconnarutoraepfaceplz::iconsay-no-narutoplz::iconbigsmilehinata-plz::iconsakuraprettyplz::iconhinatahyuugaplz::iconbigsmilesakura-plz:
:icongaaraplz::iconlittlegaaraplz::iconlikeakageplz::iconfightinggaaraplz::icongaararapefaceplz::iconmaitogaiapprovesplz::icontsunaderapefaceplz::iconoroplz::iconkabuto--plz::iconkabutorapefaceplz:
:iconhidan--plz::iconhidanwtfplz::iconsemehidanplz:
:icondeidara--plz::icondeidaracameplz::icondeidarakunplz::icondeidararapeface::icondeidarawtfplz::icondeidarablushplz::icondeidaragasmplz:
:iconsasori--plz::iconsasoricameplz::iconsasorifacepalmplz::iconsasorirapefaceplz::iconsasoriunimpressedplz::iconsasorigoturpanties::iconsasorigasmplz:
:icontobiseizureplz: :iconitachismilesplz::iconitachi--plz::iconmadaraxxplz:


Miscellaneous Favorites:

:iconshikisenriplz::iconaidousurprisedplz::iconalucardrapefaceplz::iconjapansaysnoplz::icongermanyisangry2plz::icondancerussiaplz::icondrocellplz::iconkurojokerplz::iconpervygreedplz::iconenvyishappyplz::iconmellorapefaceplz::icondeathnotelplz::iconsoulevanslaughplz::icondeathnoteplz::iconspartapitofdeathplz::iconpelvicthrustplz::iconjimgagaplz::iconfacepalmplz::iconjon-s-facepalmplz::iconstephencolbertomgplz::iconcielfacepalmplz: :iconsrslymemeplz: :iconyaomingmemeplz::iconhitlerwtfplz::icononionpanicplz::iconafraidmonkeyplz::iconbombingescape::icongunterdanceplz::iconscreamingplz::iconcwaveplz::iconrainbowsheep2::iconbarfrainbowplz::icononionloveplz: :iconsmoochmeplz: :iconsweatdropplz::icononioncheer1plz::icononioncheer2plz::iconrockonplz::iconrainbowsheep2::iconcwaveplz::iconslowpokedanceplz:

Supports:

:icontobideiplz: :iconsasosakuplz: :iconsasodeiplz:

Current Residence: Wisconsin
Favourite genre of music: Current hard rock, grunge, K-Pop
Favourite style of art: Any kind, as long as it's done well
Operating System: Dell
MP3 player of choice: Don't care...
Wallpaper of choice: Anime! :D
Favourite cartoon character: Deidara, Sasori, Envy, Greed, Drocell
Personal Quote: Newts!
Interests

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Comments


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:iconp-i-l-l-z:
Thanks for the :+fav: !
Reply
:iconroxanni:
Mood: Joy ~Roxanni May 6, 2013  New member
Thank you for the fave! <3
Reply
:iconuio320:
Mood: Joy ~uio320 Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much for the :+fav:! :icontardhugplz: :heart:
Reply
:iconzetsu12321:
~Zetsu12321 Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the fav, Deidea
Reply
:icondeideiblueeyez:
~deideiblueeyez Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome, plant man ^_^
Reply
:iconzetsu12321:
~Zetsu12321 Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconzetsu--plz:
Reply
:iconshiromishi:
~Shiromishi Mar 24, 2013  New member
Thank you so much for :+fav: :happybounce:
Reply
:iconooonaruto-chanooo:
Thanks for the :+fav: =)
Reply
:iconwooolie:
=wooolie Mar 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thankies for the fave ovo
Reply
:iconmaith13:
~maith13 Mar 10, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thank you for all the faves :3 I just started a Facebook page for my cosplays, I haven't uploaded much yet (such as my Misa photoshoot) but you can check it for more cosplay photos, cosplay videos & updates~ Thanks! [link]
Reply
:icondymondstarr:
~DymondStarr Mar 1, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Hello!
sorry for the delay,
Thank You for Fav'ing my painting
"Saturn"! :D
Reply
:iconbe-a-sin:
=be-a-sin Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the :+fav: on Boy! :)
:iconblush--plz:

You can glance at my Manga (or more preciselly the Naruto Fan art), Portrait, Animal & Creature or Anthro charac galleries if you want ! Or follow me on Twitter
:icontwittplz:
Reply
:iconsaradarklight:
Thank you for the :+fav: ^^
Reply
:iconrotegruetze:
~RoteGruetze Feb 20, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Thank you for adding my pic to your collection! =)

Gruß
RoteGruetze
Reply
:iconghost9506:
~ghost9506 Feb 20, 2013  Hobbyist
Thanks for the fave! ^^
Reply
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